Impatient Rich Asshole Murders 8 People
Los Angeles, Jan 26th – Early this morning 8 lives were lost when an impatient rich asshole decided to direct his privately chartered helicopter straight into the side of a mountain because he thought he was too special to have to wait in LA traffic. Included in the victims was the asshole’s 13 year old daughter who clearly had no choice but to go along with what her impatient father, who was likely pressuring her into the same career that brought the asshole so much fame and fortune, wanted to do that morning.
An accused rapist, the asshole leaves behind a wife and three other children who will now how to struggle to survive on the asshole’s meager 800 million dollars in money that he managed to collect during and after his 20 year career of bouncing and throwing balls every few days.
Also included in the dead are 7 other nameless individuals that have likely already been forgotten by society as they failed to acheive their goal of somehow ecking out a paltry existence of being somehow associated with said asshole.
